Anywhere
by Mei Zhen
Summary: Don’t you sometimes want to leave everything behind? To forget about what others will think and do, and love your life only the way YOU like it to be, ignoring what the others will say about it? Every day I get that feeling. (SB-RL!)


A/N: I don't own anything in HP. If I did, I'd be writing the actual books instead of fic. Duh! I don't own the song lyrics either... but I love them. I recommend that you download the song 'Anywhere', from the Evanescence album 'Origin'. I REALLY needed to write this. The silly plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone, and it showed up every time I heard the song. LOL. Enjoy the bunny-ness! (Lupin POV, btw) –Mei

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''Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me  
  
And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free  
  
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you  
  
And at sweet night, you are my own  
  
Take my hand...''  
  
Don't you sometimes want to leave everything behind? To forget about what others will think and do, and love your life only the way YOU like it to be, ignoring what the others will say about it? Every day I get that feeling.  
  
I'm different... but then again, who isn't? If there is a single person sane in this world, he or she must have a very boring life. No one can be completely sane. It's that touch of craziness that gives us our personality. Some people don't see it like that, though.  
  
I've heard what they say about me in the corridors when I pass. They know, they whisper about it. But what does it matter to them what I do? My only mistake was to wreck their monotone view of the world by falling in love. And is that fair? No. Then again, the Marauders are always at odds with the rest of the world.  
  
All I asked for was some solace every full moon. People who wouldn't run and hide while I suffered my curse. And since the first year at Hogwarts I knew that someone cared. We hadn't been friends for too long... but friendship was too strong to keep it from them. When I slipped away from my bed early before sunset, when I thought that everyone would be asleep or worried about something else, deciding to head to the forest and spend the night there.  
  
But of course, having friends means that they will follow you, even if it's to their doom. I thought I'd been very smart, very silent. Non- existent, as I'd been always every full moon. No one had ever worried about it before. Only very close relatives knew... and that left me with not many people to turn to if something happened.  
  
There were three other little shapes that trailed behind me that day, about two months after I'd reached the school. I didn't hear them... until we were outside. I ran to the Whomping Willow, that had been put there a month earlier, and just when I it was visible, I noticed my friends.  
  
''Where are you going?'' James asked. I didn't answer, I just continued running. They rushed behind me.  
  
''...We're leaving here tonight  
  
There's no need to tell anyone  
  
They'd only hold us down  
  
So by the morning's light  
  
We'll be half way to anywhere  
  
Where love is more than just your name...''  
  
I remember changing into the beast... forgetting about the three boys that waited by the tree, unable to pass. For the whole night I chewed on myself, got hit, bruised... hurt, without knowing that they were near. Not caring, really: The beast never cared about anyone.  
  
I remember howling, as I started to change back into myself. Sun rise, red as blood, bright and hot, was seen in the horizon. The howl became my own scream as I collapsed to the floor, bloodied and hurt. A few times, I'd wished that one of those wounds would finally kill me so that I wouldn't be tortured anymore. After that night, I never did again.  
  
''That's it, I'm going in!'' I was told later what had happened while my soul slept in the beast. My friends, barely anything more than ten year olds, had been awake all night before the Willow, waiting for me to come out. They'd seen me transform and leave behind nothing more than torn clothing. I was gone, completely. Only the beast remained.  
  
Sirius had decided to follow me, and had gotten a few bad bruises from the Willow. James had stopped him before the tree chopped his head off with a hit earlier, but after my scream it had been impossible to stop him. He'd announced his leaving, and had ran for the gap under the tree. He got another hit, but reached his goal.  
  
He was near me, more every second. I knew that, I heard him in the house. And I knew that James and Peter wouldn't wait too much after following him. I just lowered my head. In no time, they would find out. They'd despise me, fear me, and hate me. The door opened and Sirius stood there.  
  
His shape stood little at the door frame, shining in contrast with the darkness behind him. He looked at me. I knew I was nothing else than a naked, shaking form on the floor. And for sure they knew that I was a werewolf now. But that didn't seem to bother him too much. His eyes examined the room, and he finally found what he was looking for.  
  
He picked up a curtain that had fallen to the floor in the ruined house and used it as a blanket for me. I pulled the cloth to me and just gazed at him from the floor. He didn't say anything, he just sat by me and took my bruised hand with that look in his eyes: not fear, not hate, not rage. Not even pity.  
  
Just understanding.  
  
For a while I wondered how he'd remained silent, when he was loud any other time at school or when we played. But he just did. Sirius always knew when some calm was needed. Saying anything would have ruined the moment, my mood, and probably made my spirit sink. So he simply didn't.  
  
Soon the others were rushing up the stairs. James appeared at the door soon after, calling Sirius in fear he'd been eaten. But he saw us soon enough and then he asked if we were ok. To the two of us, not just him. It was as if noting had changed between us. Peter looked at me with some fear for a second, but seeing that everything was just as ever, he sat near us and started complaining about the Whomping Willow.  
  
At that moment I knew that if the silver curse didn't make them abandon me, nothing would. True friends never leave each other, no matter what. There will be fights, odds and problems. But what matters is holding their hand and never letting go.  
  
Just like Sirius. Just like James and Peter, too.  
  
''...I have dreamt of a place for you and I  
  
No one knows who we are there  
  
All I want is to give my life only to you  
  
I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore  
  
Let's run away, I'll take you there...''  
  
Now six years had passed from then, and I still feared what others would say. Maybe not about the curse anymore, but about what they'd think of me. Actually, about what I felt for Sirius. Yes, I would have given my life for Peter and James too, with no doubt. But the feeling was different, the whole point of view was different.  
  
I wondered at how well people can hide from the truth, from feelings. I'd done it for years. And still now, I wasn't ready to say anything about it. I would never be, it was just my personality to remain silent while my chances passed and time went slipping away. I reached the room and found it empty, except for one bed. Mine.  
  
Sirius was sitting there, just looking out the window. Our school day had finished, why was he not outside playing quidditch or planning a prank on Snivell- er... Severus Snape? He looked at me when I entered and greeted me with a nod and an almost imperceptible smile. I left my books on the floor and sat by him.  
  
'' What happens?'' I asked, almost not noticing what I'd just asked. It just came out so natural that something was wrong for us to be there having this conversation. Although something told me that it couldn't be an immediate, huge problem... James would be here as well, in that case.  
  
''Are you not fed up?'' Sirius said. ''With what everyone thinks or says that may affect you? Why do we all have to be the way society wants us to be? Why is it wrong to be different? I'm not talking about the silver curse...'' He said, knowing that my mind was going to follow that track. ''... I mean things that don't hurt anyone, but still are wrong to do or think.''  
  
I knew what he meant. I'd felt like that since that first night when my friends accepted me for what I was, not for what I pretended to be. In more than one sense, they'd taken me as I was. Like just friends can do. And no matter what, I'd return the favor with them.  
  
''I feel the same. But you must understand, Sirius, that...'' I was somewhat short of words at that moment. ''... some people you can't reason with, some will never know what you mean. Sometimes it's not worth making them understand, they will always live in their own closed environment and don't want that to change.''  
  
He gazed at me for a moment. It hadn't been just what I said. It had been HOW I'd said it. I'd just given myself away completely. I cursed in my head as I looked down, pretending that nothing had happened. But when I looked up again, Sirius was still with his eyes fixed on me. So like him to know what I was thinking all the time, no matter how good the façade was.  
  
''I want you to come with me.'' He said. I blinked.  
  
''Excuse me?'' I managed to say. What was he meaning, what was he going on about?  
  
''I'm leaving the school. I'm fed up with all these 'pure bloods' like Lucius Malfoy making fun of everyone, hurting people's feelings for something they can't change. I'm not staying here with them, and I know they'll like that too. That's the only thing I regret: to make them happy on my way out.''  
  
''But...'' I was completely out of place. I was even starting to freak out. ''What about James and Peter? Are you going to leave without them knowing?''  
  
''They'll help me, I know it. James will do anything for me, just as I'd do it for him. He's my best friend. Best friends help you when you need it the most.''  
  
''Why doesn't he come?'' I suddenly asked.  
  
''You don't seem to understand.'' He said with a slight ironic tune. I did understand, and he knew that too. But I wanted to hear it, to know that I wasn't making up anything I heard in my mind. ''I just want YOU to come with me. No one else.'' My jaw dropped for the first time in six years.  
  
I fell silent for several seconds. I was about to ask 'Why?', but it would have been such a stupid question at this point. Sirius was clear. He'd been waiting for me, now I knew for sure. For how long had he known that he wanted to leave? For how long had he known I'd come with him?  
  
''....We're leaving here tonight  
  
There's no need to tell anyone  
  
They'd only hold us down  
  
So by the morning's light  
  
We'll be half way to anywhere  
  
Where no one needs a reason...''  
  
There was no doubt to why we left: there were far too many people who'd always suspected us. For one reason or another, either if it was really bad or not, we'd been judged guilty by a society that didn't want us. What else could we do that'd make things worse? I couldn't come up with anything.  
  
''When do you want to leave?'' I asked. Sirius smiled. I didn't have to say I'd follow him, that was an obvious fact.  
  
''Tonight. Forget about everyone else. We'll just tell James, Peter and your friend Lily. No one else will care.'' And suddenly I had more questions than at the beginning. Wouldn't it be coward from us to flee from danger, from what was hard instead of facing it and fighting back?  
  
''Are you sure of this?'' I asked. Sirius seemed confused.  
  
''Are you not?'' He fell silent. ''We won't have to explain anything else to anyone. Those who care will understand. I guess that escaping now is the equivalent of eloping... but it's nothing my family wouldn't expect of me, anyway.''  
  
''Sirius... Would it be fair to the others to leave and let them face danger alone? The Marauders already have quite a... 'nice' reputation. Will James and Peter cope with it on their own?''  
  
''You know they will.'' Sirius answered with his lopsided grin.  
  
''And what about the things you'll miss? All that WE will miss if we leave now?'' I continued. Sirius usually had a short attention span, but at this moment he was all ears. ''We don't have to flee, we have to make people understand. Do you think James would escape if people didn't like the fact that he loved Lily?''  
  
''No, but I think he should. The last time he proposed she punched him so hard he had a black eye for a whole week.''  
  
''Sirius, please!''  
  
''Whoa... ok, sorry, Remy. Don't yell.''  
  
''What I mean is, there must be more ways to get over the problems than just ignoring them.'' I finished. ''I know how you feel, everyone does at some point. If you want to leave and forget about all of this, I would come with you. You've always known I would. But think about this: How will you feel when Lily surrenders to James' charms and you're not there to see it?''  
  
Sirius stiffed a laugh.  
  
''Do you think that'll happen?''  
  
''Eventually, yeah....'' I said, smiling. '' Last time she said that it wouldn't happen 'in a hundred years'... but who knows about the year after that.'' I turned to look at him face to face. ''Do you want to miss your graduation, the end of year prank against Malfoy, another punch James will get when he invites Lily to the Yuletide Dance and our last prank against Snape?''  
  
''Why didn't I hear about that one before?'' He asked, amused.  
  
''We have to get it ready first, you know. It's got to be great.''  
  
''Yes...you are right.'' He seemed thoughtful for a moment. ''I don't want to miss all those things. Specially James getting punched again.''  
  
''Love hurts.'' I said, joking.  
  
''Yeah.'' He stopped looking at the floor and looked at me. ''But do you know what I definitely don't want to miss?''  
  
I shook my head. There were footsteps being heard near the door, and a silly song reached us slightly from the common room. Probably James and Peter singing... I had turned to look at the door, but Sirius hadn't. I looked back at him before they were too close.  
  
''What?''  
  
''This.'' He leant forward slightly for a slight, almost imperceptible kiss. I smiled to myself... it would be worth staying for something like this.  
  
And of course, THAT was when the door opened.  
  
For a moment I thought that Peter would faint from the shock and would go back head first into the common room down the stairs. James' eyes were wide as saucers for a second, then they both reacted.  
  
Actually... didn't react. They just blinked and looked at us both after a second, as they'd always done. James shrugged and started ranting about some new charm he'd found that would definitely help him get Lily forever. Sirius told him that it was just some other stupid spell that schoolgirls used, but he shrugged that possibility off.  
  
Peter sat with James in the bed opposite to ours and listened, while reading over some work.  
  
''...Forget this life  
  
Come with me  
  
Don't look back you're safe now  
  
Unlock your heart  
  
Drop your guard  
  
No one's left to stop you  
  
Forget this life  
  
Come with me  
  
Don't look back you're safe now  
  
Unlock your heart  
  
Drop your guard  
  
No one's left to stop you now...''  
  
And what difference would it make if we gave up? Things could only get worse. I'm going to stand, by who I love, by what I believe in. By what I am. No one should be ashamed of what they feel. It's law of life: no one feels the same. Life would be so boring.  
  
But I look at my friends, one of them so much more. And I know that when I fall, they will catch me. They always do.  
  
''And now the most important issue: Snape's prank!'' There was a roar of laughter and ideas, and I shook my head. Friends won't change.  
  
''...We're leaving here tonight  
  
There's no need to tell anyone  
  
They'd only hold us down  
  
So by the morning light  
  
We'll be half way to anywhere  
  
Where love is more than just your name.''  
  
Don't you ever want to leave everything behind? But do you know what you'd miss if you did?


End file.
